Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Dark tales from Old Edinburgh - Two more Witches Confess

The god fearing citizens of Edinburgh were once again spared Satan’s curse yesterday as 2 more witches were burned on Castle hill.  The women, both from East Lothian, were found Guilty under the Witchcraft Act to the relief of dozens of citizens who heard disturbing accounts of their sorcery.  In the first case, it was alleged that Agnes Sampson, a catholic spinster from Haddington, danced naked with Satan himself in North Berwick’s Kirk along with other charges related to treason and attempts to bewitch our god fearing King James.  Sampson initially denied all charges, but God’s judgement prevailed against her in the Nor Loch whereupon after being thrown in the witch surfaced and continued to breathe to the horror of the many onlookers who watched the trial.  Rightfully, Sampson was found guilty of all charges and throttled before being despatched to God’s judgment at the stake.   The judgement was cheered by onlookers whose relief at the verdict was only too easy to see as Sampson’s burned at the stake. 

In a related case Mary Laird, a catholic from Prestonpans, was heard to curse a neighbouring farmer John Hastie’s cows after a heated argument last week in a nearby field.  It was alleged that dairy produce from the Hastie farm was subsequently affected, customers reporting sour milk and tainted dairy produce.   Laird’s trail in Edinburgh on Monday was conducted amid angry scenes as the Court heard further evidence of Laird’s heresy from 4 notes deposited in the witches box by local residents at Prestonpans Kirk.  Despite this overwhelming evidence, Laird continued to deny all charges.  Her case was remitted to further interrogation under the bridle, the Judge confirming that Laird confessed to all charges as the Lord’s crucifix bit deeply into her mouth and head.  Despatching her to God’s judgement on Castle Hill onlookers reported her body resisting the flames for several minutes before justice prevailed and she burned quickly, her cries for forgiveness met with screams of approval from many in the crowd.

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